


Whataya want from me?

by rebel_with_cause



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Slow Build, Stucky - Freeform, Two idiots who love each other, blind dates, figuring out feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:16:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7091158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebel_with_cause/pseuds/rebel_with_cause
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And that was it, Bucky didn’t said anything else, so Steve didn’t want to push and putting his phone back in his pocket, he started walking to the grocery store, thinking about the brief share of messages between him and Bucky, and wondered if Bucky had heard his and Sam conversation.<br/>He really had no idea how to start this conversation. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that barely speaks to him anymore, that he’s in love with him since they were kids? His best friend, that suffered so much in the hands of HYDRA, was tortured and forced to kill dozens of people. That only now was being able to regain his life. He couldn’t force it.<br/>He would prefer to die before forcing Bucky to do anything. And he didn’t want to Bucky to be with him for pity. And Bucky isn’t gay or bi. He’s straight. Steve’s certain of that. His friend deserves better. Someone without all the baggage Steve has."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Stucky fic, and I had the idea for this fic when I was going to an Queen+Adam Lambert concert, and was listening to the song "Whataya want from me?", but now that I wrote most of the fic, I don't know if the song fits anymore. Anyway, I don't know how many chapters it'll have, but I hope you guys like it!

 

Ten months. It’s been ten months since Steve found Bucky, after almost a year chasing cold leads in eastern Europe and Asia – or rather, Bucky appeared on Steve’s doorstep in DC, looking scared and pale and with a few memories of their time before the war, before everything went to hell and wanting to throw himself to the government. After seven months of hearings with the government and the trial that made newspapers and TVs networks busy for weeks, Steve and Bucky were living together, at a small two-bedroom apartment in DC. 

Two bedrooms, but they only used one – the other was filled with Steve’s art materials and some of his old things from the 40s, that he got back from the Smithsonian Exhibit. Bucky barely slept, having nightmares about his time with HYDRA. And the few times that he slept, he slept in the couch, but only for a few hours, before he woke up screaming terrified and Steve appeared in less than twenty seconds near him, trying to calm him.

After three weeks living like that, Bucky woke up in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with Steve, who tried to not think too much about it. They used to share a bed when they were younger, especially when Steve was ill, which was, most of the time. But sleeping in the same bed, were the only real contact they had and the closest they came to each other. But Steve was starting to get a bit anxious with it, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. 

So it was on a Wednesday morning, after he and Sam jogged, and they were in Steve’s kitchen having breakfast. Bucky was with Natasha – the only person he seemed to trust, due to their past in the Red Room, sparring in a gym that belong to one of Nat’s contacts.

“Spill it out, Rogers. I’m having none of that shit, you look miserable.” Sam spoke, looking at the blond man in front of him, who lifted his head surprised.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, carefully pushing his dishes aside on the table. “I’m fine, really. You don’t have to worry.”

“Quit that bullshit. You are not okay. Come on man, you know you can talk to me.” The dark skinned man insisted, and putting his elbows on the table – forgetting all the good manners his momma had taught him, completed “It’s about Barnes, isn’t?”

Steve sighed, and took one more sip of his coffee, before speaking “Look Sam, I’m really fine. Bucky’s here with me, what more could I ask for? Sure, I wanted us to be like before, closer. But I know that’s not going to happen and I’m not going to force him to do anything. He’s finally having the chance to choose what he wants and what he doesn’t want to do, and I’m not going to deny it to him. I’m not selfish. At least, he chose to stay here with me in Brooklyn.”

Sam looked at him, and with a small smile on his face, he spoke “Steve, do you love Barnes?”

“Of course Sam, we grew up together. He’s like a brother to me.” Steve answered, but seeing that Sam was still looking at him and with a knowing smile, he sighed. “Fine, I love him. I’ve loved him since I was 14 years old and didn’t even knew what sex was. And before you speak anything, I know that nowadays it’s not illegal anymore, two guys or two girls can marry and adopt and all that. But Bucky isn’t gay. He was always with a girl in his arms. And I know he’s still straight – this isn’t something you choose. I mean, he and Natasha were lovers, for God's sake. He always liked girls and I was just a scrawny little kid from Brooklyn. Even if Bucky was gay, he would never see me this way.” Steve finished, and dropped his head on his hands at the table.

Sam waited, and reached his hand to touch the blond man’s arm, soothing. “You know guys can be bisexual too, right? I know that you don’t want to force him to do anything, but maybe you guys should talk. At least, tell him that you are gay, or bisexual or whatever. Explain that it isn’t illegal anymore. If he’s really your friend like you said, he will understand, accept and respect you. And who knows, maybe he feels the same way. You’ll only know if you try. Come on man, you are Captain America. You did a lot of dangerous and reckless things back in the day and still do. So why be afraid of it?” And before Steve could say anything else, he completed “If you talk to him and things go okay, he at least accepts you being gay, I promise to try to stop Natasha from playing matchmaker.”

Hearing that, Steve lifted his head and laughed in a way he hadn’t laughed in a long time, with his full body. “No one can stop Nat from doing it, but thanks, Sam. What I would do without you, huh?” after that, the blond stood up and collected the dishes on the table and when he was going to throw it into the sink, he heard a loud noise coming from the room that startled him and he almost dropped one of the mugs. “Bucky? Is that you?” he asked, putting the dishes away and going in the direction of the noise, with Sam following behind him.

“It’s me, Rogers. Chill out” came a husky voice from the sofa. “I just dropped my gym bag. We went to a shooting range today.” Natasha said, with said bag near her feet “So, what you two old ladies were talking out there and why I wasn’t invited?” The redhead asked, with a smirk on her face. Steve didn’t know how, but he felt like she knew exactly what they were talking about.

“Nothing, just asking Captain Small Ass here for a little help at the V.A. That’s all.” Sam answered, before Steve could make a fool out of himself. “And where’s Barnes?”

“We arrived and he went straight to the shower. Today was a bit rough for him.” She spoke like she was talking about the weather, and when she saw Steve going in the direction of the bathroom, she called him. “I helped him, Rogers. You can trust me, you know that. I’ve been in his place before – sort of. So, I know some things about how he feels, and Clint was there too. They seemed to bond pretty well. I think it’s the brainwash thing.” 

Steve, who was with a closed expression, let out a small smile and went to her direction and giving her a hug.

“You will stay for breakfast or at least will come here tomorrow night for pizza night? You can call Clint and tell him to bring Lucky.” Steve asked, which Natasha answered: “I can’t stay for breakfast, but we’ll have to rain check the pizza night. But this weekend we are going out and I don’t want to hear a no. You need to leave the house for things that aren’t jogging or going to missions – even though it’s been a while since your last mission.”

“I’ll think about it.” The blond answered, with folded arms, but with a smile on his face and knowing that he would have to go out with her, even if just for a few minutes. Natasha can be pretty convincing.

“Alright then. Now, I have to go. See you Saturday, Rogers.” She smiled, and went to Sam’s direction, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Bye, Sam. Hope I’ll see you Saturday too. Clint’s missing his ‘bird bro’ and I have a friend that maybe you will like.” And before he could answer, she left.

Sam and Steve looked at each other for a few moments, until Sam said “Go, Steve. I know you are dying to see if he’s alright. I have a few things to solve at the VA, but I’ll talk to you later.” They said their goodbyes, and Steve went after Bucky, thinking about a good way to tell his best friend – did Bucky still considered him his? – that he’s bisexual. And that he’s in love with him. Shit, Steve was doomed.

**XxXxXxXxX**

It was almost eleven o’clock when Steve finally heard from Bucky. After Sam and Natasha left, Steve went after his best friend, who was locked in the second bedroom - the one that contained Steve’s art supplies and other stuffs -, and Steve could hear a soft melody coming from the place.

Afraid of disturbing him, the blond left and decided to take a shower before going to the grocery store and visiting Peggy. It’s been a while – a bit more than a week – since the last time he saw his best girl. And the last time he saw her, she was doing better and they had a longer conversation. He didn’t want to admit it, but he felt a little bit of hope that today was going to be the same than last week. He felt like he needed someone to talk to, and Peggy was the only one who really knew about how Steve felt towards Bucky.

Don’t get him wrong, he loved Peggy with all his heart and soul, and if things were differently, he would have married her after the war. She was the first woman who saw him for who he really was and always respected him. If it wasn’t for her and Howard’s help, he had no idea how he would have found that HYDRA facility and rescued Bucky. Or even survived boot camp.

After he woke up in the 21 st Century, she was the first person he looked for, to know if she was still alive or not, and found out that yes, she was alive and had moved on with her life after he flew that plane into the Atlantic Ocean. She worked for the SSR after the war, and later became SHIELD’s director, along with Howard Stark. She lived her life, married Gabe Jones – and he was happy for them both, Gabe was a good man -, had children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. The first day he went to visit her at the nurse home, he saw a woman sitting on Peggy’s side, that introduced herself as Angie Martinelli, one of Peggy’s best friends, that helped her adjust to her life in New York after the war.

Angie explained him that Peggy was diagnosed with Alzheimer, and barely remembered things. She had really good days, where she could have a normal conversation with people around her, but there were also some really bad days, where she couldn’t even remember her own name. Fortunately, the day that Steve first went to see her, was one of the good days. When Peggy woke up and saw him, her eyes teared up and she smiled.

_~~_

“ _Steve… you are alive…” she said, with a weak voice, holding Angie’s hand with one of hers, and stretched her other hand in Steve’s direction. “It’s been so long… I saw that New York Battle, and I couldn’t believe when I saw you there, fighting those aliens and being reckless, as always.” She let a weak laugh escape her lips, and Steve felt his eyes tearing up too._

“ _Yeah Peggs, I’m here. I’m sorry I couldn’t see you sooner, that battle was only two weeks after I woke up in this century, I barely had time to adjust here.” He answered, holding her hand and with a soft smile on his lips. “But I’m here now. I couldn’t leave my best girl, not when she owes me a dance.” This time, he had to choke up a cry, because seeing her like that, looking so weak and fragile, but still with the aura of the smart and strong woman she was when they met at Camp Leigh._

_A few days later, he returned, and_ _with the help of Angie and some of the nurses, who brought a radio, “It’s Been A Long, Long Time” started playing,_ _and_ _Steve held Peggy in his arms_ _while_ _they danced, for just a bit more than a minute,_ _when_ _Peggy had a cough fit and they needed to lay her down at the bed. When she stopped coughing, she looked at Steve, who as sitting beside her, with a blank gaze for a few seconds and asked Angie: “Who’s he? He is one of the new nurses?”_

_And just like that, Steve’s heart was broken in millions of pieces, but he putted on his best Captain America’s face and spoke softly “I’m just a visitor here and they told me that the great Peggy Carter was here, and I wanted to see you.” Holding back his tears, he completed “But I have to visit other patients, so I’ll just go now, and maybe other day I can visit you, would you be okay with that?” She nodded in response, and he grabbed her hand, giving a brief kiss and going in the direction of the door, followed by Angie who tried to apologize._

“ _You don’t need to apologize, really. And I wasn’t lying, I really have to go now.” He spoke softly, holding her hand and kissing it. “It was good meeting you, ma’am. Next week I’ll come again, if she’s feeling better.” After saying goodbye to the rest of the nurse home crew, he left and went to the gym near his house, where the owner let him stay there alone sometimes, and ended up destroying two punch bags and crying for a couple hours on the floor, ‘til he heard someone entering the place, and he left._

_~~_

When he arrived at the nurse home, he was smiling and with a flower bouquet, and went to the front desk and asked about Peggy, but his smile fell when they told him that Peggy wasn’t doing well for the past few days, and they couldn’t allow visits, not even visits from Captain America, but he could let the flowers there, that they would make sure it got delivered to her room.

He left the place, and felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, with a message from Bucky. He was surprised with it, because Bucky barely used the phone Steve gave him (that was a gift from Stark, who Bucky still didn’t want to meet, even though Tony said that he didn’t blame Bucky for Howard and Maria’s death), and when he used, was only for listening the music Natasha put there or calling his therapist, to make appointments. He never texted Steve, so it was a surprise seeing a message from him on his phone.

_**From: Bucky** _

_Where are you? Are you okay?_

_You seemed upset when talking with Sam today._

_**From Steve:** _

_Yeah, I’m okay. Just went to visit Peggy, but she_

_Wasn’t feeling well, so I just left the flowers there and now_

_I’m going to the grocery store. Want anything?_

_**From Bucky:** _

_Oh, okay. Just bring some pop tarts_

_I heard Natasha talking about going out in the weekend_

_**From Steve:** _

_Yeah, she wants to_ _go out, but I don’t know where we are going._

_Do you want to come with us?_

_**From Bucky:** _

_I’ll thing about it._

And that was it, Bucky didn’t said anything else, so Steve didn’t want to push and putting his phone back in his pocket, he started walking to the grocery store, thinking about the brief share of messages between him and Bucky, and wondered if Bucky had heard his and Sam conversation. 

He really had no idea how to start this conversation. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that barely speaks to him anymore, that he’s in love with him since they were kids? His best friend, that suffered so much in the hands of HYDRA, was tortured and forced to kill dozens of people. That only now was being able to regain his life. He couldn’t force it.

He would prefer to die before forcing Bucky to do anything. And he didn’t want to Bucky to be with him for pity. And Bucky isn’t gay or bi. He’s straight. Steve’s certain of that. His friend deserves better. Someone without all the baggage Steve has. But before his mind could go any further, he realized that he was in front of the grocery store and was forced to put those thoughts aside, and entered the place.

Steve admitted that in the first times he went to do his grocery shopping, he almost ran away from the place. Yeah, no one had explained to him about inflation. He also felt overwhelmed, seeing so many foods and drinks, with such varieties. He never had much when he was growing up – and that’s one of the reasons he had such a fragile immunologic system at that time. But now, he had too much to choose, and he couldn’t decide what he wanted to buy and didn’t knew the difference between organic and non organic vegetables. For him, they were just vegetables.

It wasn’t until Natasha and Maria took pity of his poor ass and helped him with his shopping list. They also teached him how to use the internet and Netflix. And he was very grateful for all that. And Tony, with the pretext of trying to compensate because of their fight before the Battle of NY – the real reason was that this was his way to show that he cares for other people -, settled JARVIS up in his computer and his phone, to help him. And Steve would never admit that he was grateful for that too, not even if someone held a gun against his head.

Now, he was adjusting well and knew how to grocery shopping alone, although he still feels a little overwhelmed sometimes, but they told him that it was normal. Lots of people, especially veterans, had some difficulties doing those things that appeared to be simple to other people.

When he was going to the cashier to pay for his groceries, he was stopped by two people, and one of them was carrying a baby, who appeared to be sleeping. One of the guys was an afro-american guy – thank you internet, for helping him with the correct terms –, and the other, who was holding the kids hand, was asian. 

“Captain Rogers?” the asian one asked. “Sorry to bother you, sir. But I just wanted to thank you for your service and say that it’s an honor to meet another Howling Commando. My great-uncle always talked very fond of you. I’m Yan, by the way.” He was smiling, and held up his other hand – the one who wasn’t holding the kid’s -, that Steve took and shaked.

“Thank you, Yan”, Steve replied, with a small smile. It was rare to people to call him by any name other than ‘ _Captain America’_. “But excuse me, another Howling Commando? Who’s your great-uncle?”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention. My grandmother was Jim Morita’s sister” he answered, pointing to the girl and the other guy, completed. “And these two here are Miles, my husband and our daughter, Sarah.” He completed.

When he finished speaking, Steve was speechless. He knew that two guys could get married now, he told Sam that this morning. But seeing them together like that, and with a daughter, almost made him cry and wonder how his life would be so different, if he and Bucky could be like that. But his mind was interrupted to go further into those thoughts, and he realized other thing that Yan said. “Wait, Sarah?”

“Yeah, it was Jim’s idea.” The other guy, Miles, answered. “He wanted to name her after you, if it was a boy – She was born by a surrogate, do you know how that works?” Steve nodded, and he continued “So when we found out that we were having a girl, Jim decided that putting her name ‘Stephanie’ wouldn’t feel the same, so he remembered that your mother’s name was Sarah and talked to us. So yeah, it is in honor of you and your mother.” 

When he finished, Steve couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, and started thanking them. It was one of the best things he heard since he woke up this century. He and the guys talked a little more – the girl barely talked, just to ask if he could let her meet the Black Widow -, asking about how Steve was dealing with this century, and Steve asking them about Morita and the other Commandos. It was different answering those types of questions to these guys. They weren’t just being lousy like some journalist, they were really interested in knowing about Steve.

They exchanged phones, and Yan said that he would contact Steve later for a dinner at their house, so they could introduce him for the rest of the family, and also introduce Natasha to Sarah. Unfortunately, Morita wasn’t alive anymore. He passed away one year before Steve was de-frozen. But it would be good, to meet other people, that were somehow related to his past.

It was almost 7:00PM when he arrived home, and found Bucky sitting on the couch, watching some news journal. The brunet looked at the door when he heard it being open, a bit startled – he was distracted -, but relaxing after seeing that it was just Steve.

“Where were you? I thought you would only do grocery shopping.” Bucky asked, seeing that Steve was a bit oblivious and distracted while putting their groceries in the kitchen’s counter.

“Oh, I met someone there, and we spent a lot of time talking. It was Morita’s great-nephew. Do you remember him? Morita, I mean. He was one of the Commandos.” Steve spoke, returning to the room and sitting in the armchair.

“Morita is the Asiatic one, isn’t?” Bucky answered, but with a bit of doubt in his voice. “What happened to him?”

“He uh... Passed away one year after they de-frosted me.” Was the only thing Steve answered. Usually, when Bucky asked about things of their past, when he recovered a piece of memory, Steve talked more with him about it, but this time the blond was more distracted, still thinking about Yan and Miles. They looked really happy together, and their daughter, Sarah, was lovely and very happy to finally being able to meet Captain America. She was only six years old, but had heard a few stories about him, all told by Morita. He wondered if he could ever have a family like that. Seeing that Bucky was still looking at him, like he was expecting something, Steve shrugged and asked, intending to change the subject. He was dreaming a lot today, he needed to focus on reality. He could never have the ‘American Dream’. The house in the suburb with the white picket fence, the wife – or husband, in his case -, two children and a dog. “What are you watching? I was thinking maybe we could try to watch a few episodes of Parks & Recreations, before I order the pizza.”

“Uh, just watching the news. You know that now two guys or two girls can get married and don’t be thrown in jail?” he asked, seemed a bit happy about it – or it was just Steve’s wishful thinking? “The world really has changed.”

“Yeah, I knew about it. Was one of the first things I learned after I woke up.” Steve said, and wanting to change the subject, he completed; “So, Parks & Recreation and then pizza?”

The brunet looked at him with a blank gaze, which Steve couldn’t figure out what it meant, and nodded, throwing the remote at him, to put on the show and going to the kitchen, probably to go get some water, and he texted Sam, asking if he could bring the pizza with him, and thinking in how to tell Sam that Bucky was the one who – sort of – initiated that conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, guys! I've been kinda busy with college. Lots of stuff to do, and was having a writer's block. But now the chapter is here. It's a bit smaller than the last one, but I'm already working on the next and I promise I won't make you guys wait so long for it!  
> Thanks for all the coments, and again, sorry for any mistakes - English isn't my first language.

Pizza Night was something that Steve and Sam used to  do to  distract them during the Winter Soldier Trial. And it was a good way for Steve to catch up on some films on his list. When Bucky went to live with him, after the trial ended, he joined their tradition. Not totally, he just stayed in the corner of the room, looking at the TV and not saying a word. 

The first time Bucky joined them, was when Clint came to Steve’s apartment, and brought his dog – Lucky, a stray he rescued -, that almost immediately decided that Bucky was his favorite person. Now, instead of sitting in the corner, Bucky started sitting in the floor near the couch, scratching behind Lucky’s ear during the movie. Later that day, Sam told him that dogs were used to help soldiers adapt to civilian life, and he couldn’t be grateful enough for Clint deciding to bring his dog with him to their Pizza Night.

So, when Sam arrived with the pizza – followed by Clint and Lucky -, Bucky whistled for the dog, which immediately ran in the brunet’s direction, who started scratching his head. Steve couldn’t hold the smile that came to his face, seeing that scene. Bucky, sitting on his couch with Lucky between his legs and with a hint of a smile on his lips, his long hair making a curtain on his face. Oh god, he was definitely in love with his best friend.

“Sam, can you help me get some stuff in the kitchen?” Steve asked, entering the kitchen and opening the fridge to get beer for them.

Sam followed him there, leaned in the kitchen table and asked “So, did you and Barnes talked?”, and held a laugh when Steve blushed and almost dropped the beer in the floor. “Yo man, easy there. Just because you can’t get drunk, doesn’t mean that you can throw away the beer.”

The b lond  man apologized, and told Sam about his afternoon. Visiting Peggy, meeting Yan and Milles at the grocery store and the breefly conversation with Bucky early. When he finished, Sam was looking at him, inquiring. “So, he seems to be okay with it. But did you told him about you being bi?” Sam asked, but before Steve could say anything, he completed “Of course not, why do I even bothered to ask?”

“Sam, even if he is okay with gay marriage being legalized, doesn’t mean he will accept me. Ok, we’ve been friends for forever, we used to share a bed. And we still do that sometimes, when he wakes from a bad nightmare! What if he thinks that I’m taking advantage of him?” Steve spoke, looking worried.

Sam didn’t even had time to answer, because they were interrupted by Bucky calling them to get back in the living room soon, or Clint and Lucky would eat all the pizza. 

“We are not finished here, Rogers. We’ll finish this conversation later.” Sam said, returning to the living room with a pack of beer in his hands, leaving Steve alone in the kitchen. The blond soon followed, but with more questions on his head than he was before. Why did his life had to be so complicated?

**XxXxXxXxX**

The rest of the night went without too many fuss, just like every other pizza night. Sam and Clint making jokes during the movie and laughing when Steve didn’t get their references, while Bucky was in his conner, with Lucky sleeping with his head on the brunnete’s lap.

After they left, Steve and Bucky cleaned the room silently, and when the blond was going to his bedroom to change into his pajamas, Bucky called him.

“Steve? What did you and Sam were talking in the kitchen? You looked upset again, like yesterday morning.” Bucky questioned him, looking preoccupied. “Is everything alright? It is HYDRA?” when he said that last word, the color of his face disappeared and he seemed a bit scared. Steve instantly felt guilty, and hurried to answer.

“No, Bucky! You don’t need to worry!” He gave his friend a small smile, completing “It’s just… Sam’s helping me with some stuff, it’s nothing, really.”

“Stop lying, Steve. I know something isn’t right. I may not have all my memories, but I can recognize when you are lying. So, quit that bullshit and talk to me!” Bucky argued, putting himself in front of Steve, to stop him. In a softer way, he spoke again “Please Stevie, I know that we haven’t been talking much, but please, talk to me, let me help you too.”

Steve swallowed dry. Maybe now’s the time to tell him. He breathed deeply, and spoke. “Okay, but can we go to the living room?”. The brunette nodded and followed him silently. They sat on the couch, and turned so they were facing each other.

“Bucky, I...” Steve started, but his mouth closed. He was terrified of what Bucky would think of him. But he promised Sam. “First, I won’t you to promise me that things won’t change between us. Please, promise me that.” he asked

“But why would things change?” Bucky was curious and a nervous about were this was going “You are not with Hydra, are you?” was his final question, a bit terrified about that. He would rather die again than seeing his best friend working for those nazi bastards,

Steve left out a small laugh, and answered “No, Bucky. Why would you think that? After all they’ve ever done, do you really think I’d be on their side?”

“I don’t know, Steve. You don’t tell me about you anymore, just about the past! And that’s the reason we are talking now. So please, can you tell me?” Steve realized that Bucky was starting to sweat, and was really nervous about it, and felt guilty.

“James Buchanan Barnes” making his best ‘Captain America voice’, Steve looked at Bucky “I swear to you, that I, Steven Grant Rogers, don’t work for Hydra, and never will. You don’t have to worry about it.”

Bucky started laughing and Steve felt a bit better that his friend loosened up, and it was very rare the moments where the brunette laughed. He felt something warm his chest, and continued “What I want to tell you, is that...” but before he could finished talking, he heard that song, that damn song he hated so much, playing. And it was coming from his phone. He was going to kill Clint.

“ _Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American Way?_  
Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day?  
Who will campaign door-to-door for America  
Carry the flag shore to shore for America  
From Hoboken to Spokane,  
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!”

He picked his phone, cursing when he saw that was Tony. “What do you want, Stark?” He was pissed, when he finally had the courage to tell Bucky, Tony called.

“That’s the way you talk to your favorite millionaire friend, who also designs your suits and helps your friend Robocop with his arm?” Came the answer, and Steve sighed, realizing Bucky wasn’t there anymore. Probably went to his bedroom. He didn’t felt comfortable being near Stark – not even by phone -, because of what happened to his parents. Tony said that he didn’t blame Bucky, because he knew the guy was under mind control at the time and didn’t had any control on what he was doing, but Bucky still blamed himself, because he remember every single one of his victims. His thoughts were interrupted by Tony’s voice, coming from the phone. He could hear a loud guitar playing in the background. “So, I found some interesting stuff in the files we got from that last Hydra base, and wanted to show you. Can you come over, please? You can bring your boyfriend too. I have a private jet waiting for you,”

“How many times do I have to tell you he’s not...” before Steve could finish, the phone went off. With a loud sigh, he got up from the couch and called for Bucky. When the brunette appeared in the doorstep, he spoke “Tony wants me to go to NY, because he found some stuff he wants to discuss with me. Do you want to go? I’ll spend a couple days there, no more than that. I know you don’t like being near him, so you can stay if you want, I can call Sam to stay here while I’m gone, to keep you company in case you don’t want to be alone.”

Bucky was silent for a moment, but answered “I’ll go. I don’t like being near Stark, but it’s worse being here alone  and we shouldn’t bother Wilson, I don’ need a babysitter . Besides, I miss Pepper. And their gym is good, I need to train a bit.” He turned his back, and went to his room, probably to pack his bag. Steve did the same.

**XxXxXxXxX**

_ 4 DAYS LATER _

“So guys, after we finish kicking those nazi butts, can we get Shawarma?” Tony spoke to his cons. It turns out that the stuff he found, was coordinates and a blue print of another Hydra base, and they went there only to be ambushed by some soldiers that were still loyal to the organization. They were winning, despite being outnumbered. “And Romanov, did you see were Barton and Wilson went? It’s been 15 minutes and I still haven’t heard their bird jokes. I’m getting worried here.”

“I’ll go find them.” was the only answer he got, before he was startled by a bullet passing near his head and hitting something behind him, that when he looked, was a Hydra soldier. “Thanks, Tin Man. But try not to almost shoot my head next time”. Barnes didn’t answer, so he flew in the direction of the base entrance, where he saw Rogers holding a very bruised Hawkeye, with the help of Wilson, while Romanov was talking with Hill on the phone. Apparently, things were fine.

“Barton, can you stay still? You broke your leg and I think that four of your ribs are bruised and I also think that you have a concussion!” Wilson was talking, while trying to immobilize his leg, but Barton wasn’t staying still. 

“What happened? Felt of your nest, Hawk-guy?” Tony asked, with a playful smile. Barton just showed him the finger, and took his earpieces off, signaling to Natasha, who turned of the phone and signaled back to him

Rogers, who wasn’t holding Barton anymore, now that he was sitting on a log, went closer to Tony and told him what happened “We found a bunch of scientists inside, and there were some files. We fought them, and they’re now handcuffed and we are just waiting for Maria to get here with backup, to get these guys to SHIELD, so they can get some more information from them.”

“What about Barton?” he asked, curious. From what Cap told, it couldn’t be from the fight with the scientists. 

“Oh, he tripped on a gun on the floor and fell of the stairs. And one of his arrows got stuck on his leg, because he felt on top of one.” when the blond finished, Tony could hold his laughter anymore, and was followed by Steve, who didn’t saw Bucky appear near him, and jumped scared when his best friend spoke, asking why they were laughing, “Barton fell of the stairs inside the base, after he tripped on a gun” when Steve answered, Barnes left out a little laugh, still being uncomfortable near Stark. 

“Fuck you, Stark! Not all of us have a metal armor or super serum. Some of us are just human.” Barton yelled, after having put his earpieces on, while everyone else laughed.

**XxXxXxXxX**

They were on the Quinjet, going back to the Avengers Tower. Steve was siting silent, near one of the emergency doors. He hated flying. It always reminds him of the day he dove the Valkyerie into the ar c tic. The day that he lost Peggy, a few weeks after loosing his best friend. 

Now he was in the future. He didn’t had Peggy, not really. And he also didn’t have  Bucky – not the way he would like. And he was terrified every time he got into the Quinjet or other plane. He was so distracted on his thoughts, th at he only realized that Bucky was on his side  when he felt a metal hand touch his arm.

“You alright, Stevie?” he asked, with a bit of worry in his eyes.

“Not really.” Steve let a breath out, and looked at his friend “I don’t like flying.”

Bucky just nodded, and held his hand. “Don’t worry, hold my hand. I’m here with you. Let me help you, like you always help me.” Steve felt his face blushing a little, when Bucky held his hand, but thanks to the poor illumination on the jet, Bucky didn’t saw it.

They stayed like that for the most part of the trip, ‘till Barnes broke the silence. “So, about that conversation. We didn’t had time to finish. Do you still want to talk to me, or things are better?”

He couldn’t tell Bucky. He was prepared that day at their house. But now? All that courage had disappeared, so he only said “Don’t worry, things are okay now. But thanks, Buck.” He squeezed the brunette’s hand – Yes, they still were holding hands.

Before he or Bucky could say anything else, they heard Tony’s voice:

“GUYS! The shawarma place was closed. So I ordered pizza, and we are gonna have a movie/pizza night. And you guys can’t refuse.” he continued “we’ll marathon the Star Wars movies – only the originals, no one likes the prequels. I know you haven’t seen it yet, Cap. So now is your chance.”

“You okay with that?” Steve asked Bucky, worried about his friend.

“Yeah, I guess. At least we have rooms on the tower, so if I start feeling overwhelmed – and I’m sure it will happen -, I’ll go to one of them. I know how much you miss being close to your friends.” was his answer.

Steve nodded, and they fell in silence after that. Still holding hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk with me on my [tumblr](http://rebel-with-cause.tumblr.com)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, Fora Temer (sorry, it's something we say here in Brazil)  
> Secondly, I want to apologize for making you guys wait almost one month for this chapter, and I'm still not happy about it. Imm having some problems, and they are keeping me away from writing (and college is almost making me commit suicide). But anyway, here's the chapter!

They were almost in the end of The Empire Strikes Back, in the scene where Darth Vader arrives at Lando’s house. Steve was in the floor, with Bucky besides him. Natasha was on the couch behind them, with Clint and Sam. Tony was in the loveseat with Pepper. Steve was liking the movie, specially because Han Solo reminded him a lot of Bucky before the war. That cocky smile, the way he walks.

He was so fixated in the movie, that he almost jumped when Nat touched his shoulder, calling him.

“Rogers, can you go to the kitchen with me, to help me with more popcorn?” she asked, with a strange look on her eyes. He nodded and followed her. When they entered the kitchen, she stopped him before he could open the cabinet where the popcorn was. “What do you want, Nat?”

“Rogers, why you never told me you are gay? I could’ve been setting you up with some guys instead of the girls.” Steve’s face went pale and before he could say anything, the redhead continued “No one told me, I realized seeing the way you act with Barnes. And adding the fact that you refused every girl I set up with, it wasn’t hard to guess.”

He left the breath he was holding, but was still nervous when he spoke “Look Nat, please don’t tell anyone. The only other person who knows is Sam. Not even Bucky knows, and I’d like it if you didn’t tell him that, because I plan to do that, but now for a while.” he paused for a moment, and after a few seconds, he completed “And I’m not gay, I’m bisexual.”

“Look Rogers, I won’t tell him anything, but you have to promise me one thing.” she spoke after a few seconds “I have just the right guy for you. He works for Shield, in the medical department. He is a nice guy, and you two you certainly bond over somethings. I promise you that this will be the last time, if this doesn’t work out. But you have to promise me that you’ll at least try.”

After pondering for a minute, he agreed. “Ok, I’ll do it for you. But it will be the last time. Just send me a message with the time and place, and I...” he was interrupted when he saw Bucky in the entry of the kitchen, looking incredible pale and scared; the way he looked after a nightmare. “Buck, you okay pal? What happened? Sorry I left you alone, please, tell me what happened!”

When he spoke a few seconds later, his voice was trembling “They… They put him on Ice. That.. that Han Solo guy. They froze him, in front of that princess.” Shit, Steve thought. He was definitely going to kill Tony. Why he didn’t warn them about it? “Do you wanna go to the apartment? We can, if you want. I’ll keep you company.” Steve asked, looking worried.

“Please.” was the only thing the brunette said, still looking terrified. Steve looked at Nat, who nodded and started making the popcorn that they were supposed to get. “Go, Rogers.” she said “I’ll warn everyone and tell them you both are tired and needed to sleep. Just don’t forget what you promised me.” Steve nodded his head, and followed his best friend on the way to the stairs. The elevator wouldn’t do any good to Bucky now.

When they were in their floor, Bucky spoke, more calm now “What you promised Nat?”

Steve left a small laugh, and answered “She wants me to go on a date with someone from SHIELD. She said it’d be the last time she set me up with someone if I really tried to make it work, at least in one date”

“Oh, okay. What’s her name?” Bucky asked, while they entered the room

“She didn’t tell me, but said that would send me more info about the date later. It’ll probably in DC, so that’s something goo.” He needed to forget Bucky, and maybe now that he was going out with some guy, it could be different from all the disastrous dates he had with the girls Natasha set him up with.

They changed their clothes in silence, and got into bed under the covers. They usually slept in the same bed at the tower, because of their Nightmares. After a few minutes laying in silence, until the brunette broke it, when he said “I hope this works, you deserve some nice gal, to be happy with someone. It was what you always wanted, during the war and even before it.”

_It’s what I wanted, but with you._ Steve thought, but said “Yeah, but if it doesn’t, at least Nat will stop bothering me. She said she’d never set me up again, and I hope she keeps her promise.”

After that, neither men spoke, and a while later, Steve fell asleep, being followed by Bucky. If they woke up in the morning with Steve being the little spoon, and Bucky holding onto him like a octopus, no one needed to know, right?

**XxXxXxXxXxX**

Three days later, they were back in DC. Steve was in the couch, doodling on his sketchbook while Bucky was reading some science fiction book on the window seat, when the blond’s phone beeped, with a message. It was from Natasha, with the info about the guy and the date.

_**From Unknown Number:** _

_It’s all set. He will pick you up tomorrow_

_at 8pm. His name is_ _Nathaniel_ _and I took the liberty_

_to give him your number. He may call you later today._

_Good luck and enjoy it :)_

_**From Steve Rogers:** _

_Wait, it’s too soon. How will I tell Bucky?_

_**From Steve Rogers:** _

_Natasha. Please. Can’t it be next week?_

_**From Unknown Number:** _

_Stop being weak, Rogers. Just tell Barnes that you’re going_

_on a date, and the person is gonna pick you up._

_Matthew doesn’t need to go into your apartment, he can wait for you in the car._

_You’ll tell James that it’s a guy only if you want. But if this works, you_

_can’t keep the secret from him._

He didn’t answer her last message, and after putting his phone down, he got up from the couch and called Bucky. “Hey, Nat just texted me about the date. It’s tomorrow night, and the person will pick me up here. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Bucky spoke, curious. “You go. How many times have you watched me go on dates? This is your turn. I’ll be fine here. I can call Clint, and he can bring Lucky here.” he paused, putting his book aside and getting up “Steve, it’s fine. Go, enjoy your date. You don’t need to worry about anything.”

Steve didn’t realized he was holding his breath until that moment, when he relaxed. “Okay, great. So, do you want to help me with dinner or should I just order something?”

They decided after a brief conversation, that they were gonna eat some styr fry, and went into the kitchen to make it. Bucky was chopping the vegetables, while Steve was setting up the rest of the things they would need. Yeah, maybe this was going to work. He now just had to figure a way to tell Bucky that the date was with a guy. This made he nervous again, and he put that thought aside and focused on making their food.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxX**

They finished eating, and Bucky went to the bathroom to take a shower before going to bed. Steve was laying on the couch, watching something on TV, when his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Steve, right? It’s um.. Nate.. Nathaniel, I mean, but you can call me Nate. Natasha gave me your number. I hope it’s not a problem.” the voice was a bit rusky, with a heavy New York accent.

“Oh, yeah.err. Nat told me that” _Great, Rogers. You’re gonna make a fool out of yourself._ He thought, putting a hand on his face and sitting on the couch. “So, where’s the place we are going? Nat told me that you’d pick me up, but we can’t meet there, if you want.”

“No pal, don’t worry. It’s on our way, actually. The place is near your house, if the address Romanoff gave me is right. And I don’t know if she told you, but we have met once, actually.”

“Really? When?” Steve asked

“Well, we can talk about it tomorrow. I’m still at SHIELD, but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Sorry, we can’t use our phones here, but I couldn’t wait ‘til tomorrow.” he spoke, and if Steve was right, the guy seemed a bit nervous.

“Yeah, sure. No problems. I have somethings to finish here, so yeah. We can talk more tomorrow.” the blond answered. Yeah, the guy didn’t seem so bad. Maybe things would work. He hoped they did, he need to move on.

After they said their goodbyes, Steve threw his phone on the couch and went to the bedroom, finding Bucky already on his pajamas, in his bed, reading the same book he was reading earlier. Steve decided that he was going to shower, and tell Bucky. If he wanted things to work with Matthew, he needed to be honest with Bucky. He need to tell his best friend. _Why things have to be so complicated?_ Was his last thought before he entered the bathroom.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

He lost track of time, and only realized it when felt the cold water hitting on his shoulder. After drying himself and putting on his sweatpants and a tank top, he went to the bedroom. Bucky was still awake, but the book he was reading wasn’t anywhere near him. Instead, he was watching some culinary show. Steve couldn’t help but smiling, seeing the domesticity of this, but he also knew that they needed to talk.

“Bucky, can we talk for a minute? There’s something I need to tell you.” he spoke, barely hiding that he was nervous.

“Yeah, sure.” the brunette answered, turning the TV off and siting straighter on the bed. Steve sat near him, and held his breath for a couple minutes, before speaking.

“Remember when you asked about what I was talking about with Sam that other day?” seeing his friend nodding his head, he continued “It’s because I confessed something to him. Something that I’ve been hiding from everyone, but he find out and told me to tell you, but I was scared that you would run away from me, or never speak to me again. But now I can’t hide it anymore.”

Bucky was watching him closely, paying attention to every word he said. He looked at the brunette’s face, but he wasn’t showing any emotion, just curiosity. But before Steve could finish saying anything, he was interrupted.

“Steve, there’s nothing that you can say to me that will make me run away from you. I may not have my mind on track, but I know you are my best friend and you never let my side, not even when… When I was trying to kill you. So, unless you’ll tell me that you are a double agent for HYDRA – what I doubt about -, you can tell me anything.”

The blond smiled at that statement, and finally spoke again:

“So, the thing I was talking about with Sam, is sort of related to what Natasha and I were talking about in Stark’s kitchen that day.” he paused, and looked Bucky straight into his eyes “The date I have tomorrow, is with a guy. I’m bisexual, Bucky. I like boys and girls.”

He waited, to see how Bucky would react. After what seemed hours, Bucky spoke, with a hint of a smile on his face:

“It was that what you were worrying about? Really, Rogers?” he didn’t even let Steve say anything, just held his hand to stop him “We lived in the queerest part of Brooklyn. I’ve worked on the docks. I saw some fellas with other fellas. And it never bothered me. Why would I bother if you like guys, or girls or both? You can like however you want, pal.”

Steve laughed, feeling more relaxed than he was feeling for the past few weeks since his conversation with Sam. Well, now he only had one secret, but who needed to know, right?

“Oh, Bucky. I was scared, I thought that you feel like I was taking advantage of you, seeing that we’ve been sleeping on the same bed and all that.” Bucky opened his mouth, but Steve interrupted him before he could speak. “I know, it was stupid of me. So, you forgive me for not telling you?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Stevie. Come on, now tell me about this guy, and how the hell Nat know anything about him?” Bucky said, and Steve starting talking and explaining what little information Natasha had given him. Yeah, things would be fine for the moment.

 

What Steve didn’t realized, was that despite Bucky saying he was cool with it and didn’t saw any problem, he actually felt a bit sad with this discovery, because Steve might like guys, but it didn’t mean he liked Bucky, not in that way. But well, he deserves someone better, a chance

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

After they talked and Steve fell asleep, but got off from the bed and made his way to the couch, were he picked up his phone that was in the coffee table, and called Natasha.

“I need to talk to you tomorrow. Meet me at the gym 7AM.” and before she could answer, he turned off the phone and went back to the bedroom. Now that he knew Steve liked guys, he thought that maybe he could confess his love for his friend, but how would Steve react about it? Just because he liked guys too, it didn’t meant he like Bucky that way.

And of course, who would love a monster like him? Steve may be fine with his past, with everything he did for HYDRA, everyone he killed. But his friend deserved someone better than an ex assassin. He now needed to release some steam, and talk with someone. He and Nat grew closer after he started living with Steve, and he trusted her – sort of trusted her, to be quite honest.

He was happy for Steve, he really was. But he couldn’t shake that feeling that he would be happier if he was the guy that would be going on that date with the blond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me life and help me writing this fic, so keep'em comming! Oh, and the next chapter it's the date. And some other things, but I don't want to spoil anything ;)
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://rebel-with-cause.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> So, comments?
> 
> Come talk with me on my [tumblr](http://rebel-with-cause.tumblr.com)


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